April 8th 2015

I don't hear from God. Maybe I do. 

I'm not sure. 

It's so much static and clutter in my head. 

I don't have uplifting and encouraging verses for you all. I wish I did. But, right now, I don't. 

I barely open my bible. Like, barely. 

I want to though. But then again, I don't. 

I'm working on me. I would say that I'm allowing God to work on me but I'm not sure if He cares to. 

I don't feel loved by God. I wish I did. 

I really just feel forgotten about. 

Should I jump up and down to get His attention? Nah, it probably wouldn't work. 

Do I believe in God? Of course. Look around you. Do I believe in Jesus? Yep. I do. 

Do I feel the love? Nope. I wish I did though. 

This season has been going on for almost a year now. It's frustrating. 

I'll keep fighting though. I can't stop. 

I'll be diving back into church now that I'm pretty much done recovering from my December surgeries. 

Will that be difficult? Of course. 

Is it necessary? Most definitely. 

I'll post on my journey regularly. Trust, I will. 

03.18.2015

I don't know what I'm doing here. I really don't. I usually have a plan but here, I don't. I'm relying on God for this here. This was all His doing. 

Obedience. 

Discipline.

Endurance. 

I pray you'll see growth. I want to grow. I've had blogs before. I read over them last night and I've grown since then. A lot. But not enough. If I had followed ODE then I think my relationship with Yahweh would be a lot better. 

You know one of my biggest problems is consistency. For years now I've used my health problems as a reason for that. I could've been more consistent but I was lazy. Lazy. Inconsistent. That's sad. 

My "one little word" for 2015 is CONQUER. So, I have a lot of work to do   I see the Brittanie-Claire that I want to be. I know how I want to look. I know what attributes I want. I know... 

God has put certain desires on my heart. God has given me certain visions. But I'm the slacker. That's what ODE is about. See, it's first about being obedient to what Yahweh has called you to do. Secondly, you must be disciplined enough to execute the calling. Third, you must endure until the end.

I guess this blog is where I'll share my ODE to Yahweh. 

This is it y'all. This is my sink or swim. It's weird because I know it'll be worth it in the end but I don't want to go through this uncomfortable process. My attitude is like "look at me God; haven't I already been through enough?" I want things to happen by osmosis or something. I want to be healthier but I don't want to work out or eat the right foods. I want to finish college but I don't want to go through the uncomfortable process of talking to different university officials. I don't like sacrifice. I continually tell the King that I don't like sacrificing my small comforts when He sent His only Son as a sacrifice for my sins. Y'all, I'm flawed. 

Sickness was a big hit for me. It attacked my self esteem like nothing I've ever seen before. I gained weight. I got skin tags. My skin got dark in certain areas. I became broke. My finances and credit got screwed. I didn't get to graduate from UGA. My clothes don't fit. I can't buy more. I didn't realize how much I put my self worth on temporary/carnal/material things until I lost them. 

So, before I can say that I'm working on conquering these earthly things, I'm working on finding my worth in Yahweh and Him alone. 

Well, this is it. Stay tuned. I'm conquering the mess out of this year. Yahweh will get only my best. :) 

Test Post

This is a test.